FINALLY, A PERFECT MATCH
Perhaps you met the perfect woman, the perfect man (he’s got a two-pack), you found the perfect job, you finally found the perfect church, and then over time, life happens, things happen, and you realize that the whole thing was a façade. You say to yourself, "The system is rigged. All __________ (fill in the blanks) are stupid, and I’ll never give my heart to _____________ again.
The problem isn't women, men, the marketplace, or churches, the problem is diversity. Humans are diverse. Andrea and I are radically different. Our differences, our edges, our passions, and our experiences shape us in such a specific way. We all have difficulties connecting, partnering, and communicating. For this reason, we must never assume that honest communication is easy or natural. The more meaningful the relationship, the harder, the more vulnerable, and the rawer communication becomes. Communication is the easiest when we have nothing in the game, and there's nothing to lose. Incredible opportunities for intimacy are thwarted when we get scared away by the kind of conversations they require. If it's hard, stressful, and scary, then most likely, it's worth it.
PROTECT YOUR PERSPECTIVE OF OTHERS
We change our perception when we don't cultivate a discipline of communication. For example, that perfect woman could take on the image of a crafty manipulator because of a situation where you felt taken advantage of, but, perhaps if you had the awkward conversation to share what happened, how it made you feel, and why the relationship was important to you, she could have explained herself, and you could have protected the honor that you had for her identity.
It's easier to make a judgment against someone and cut someone off than it is to fight for the Father's perspective of who they are.
Usually, the best way to deal with an incorrect judgment is to bring it into the light and appropriately process the issue with the person you are wrestling with. This is where we get the famous "Matthew 18 Principle," that's found in Matthew 18:15. I have my own translation of this text, "When a brother or sister sins against you…"
When not if.
This really isn't about if someone is going to sin against you, but rather, what are you going to do when they do? Jesus would say, "Go to them, directly to them, and attempt to work it out in private." Of course, if it all hits the fan, then go on to step #2.
NOBODY’S PERFECT, RIGHT?
We might say, "Nobody's perfect," but if we are "knowing each other" according to the spirit rather than the flesh, shouldn't we be able to see each other according to their perfection in Christ rather than their shortcomings?
Guess what, this isn't easy, but it really matters because we are talking about preserving and protecting a person's Christ identity within our heart's. How we see each other matters.
You might think, "No way, that raises the bar too high!"
Exactly.
You might say, "But what if they can't measure up to this incredibly high standard?"
There's grace.
I didn't say tolerance.
I said empowerment.
Showing grace is the act of partnering with one, to assist in their empowerment, to overcome a weakness while not dishing out a fresh judgment against them because of a weakness. I am thankful that when I fail, my Heavenly Father doesn't see me as a failure, He comes near to me, He loves me, He gives me insight and revelation, and then He authorizes me to try again, and to get back on the bike. I want to be more like my Father, and that means that I have to learn to keep my heart open, even when I feel betrayed because I don't know about you, but when I feel like trust has been violated, the line of communication is the first thing I shut down.
So, you found the perfect woman, the perfect man (and he's riding a unicorn), the perfect job, or the perfect church, and then something happens, and your perspective is challenged, I would encourage you to fight for a perspective of honor, and ask yourself the question, "What will it take to preserve it?" Most likely, you will find that honor can be restored through honest, heart-felt, non-religious, communication.
Restoration occurs when people are bold enough to be real, truthful, humble, and connect from the heart.